Dear you...
Sorry..i need to write that..side effect of keeping a diary you see..don't know why i suuddenly chose to write my blog as a real blog for a change..maybe its a part of my resolution of my new college year to be more outgoing..extrovert maybe?this year till now has been the worst one i have seen in my conscious life.everywhere around me i see people dying,seperating and just breaking age old bonds..a year of losses so to say..but in some cases 'loss' seems an awfully short and feeble word to express the feeling.a very close friend of mine lost her mother less than a week ago and she said something that really made me think..she said.."its so easy to die,na?" really it does seem so easy to die..suddenly gone,a person who used to talk walk and behave like any other person in an instant becomes a shell..and then a mere memory!its so easy...
I'll share a secret with you..you might hate me for it but i cannot help it..the fact is im terribly scared of dead bodies!i mean even if the person is or was my closest of kin and dearest to heart the sight of their cold,dead,limp bodies fill me with more fear than sadness.last november i lost my grandmother whom i was very close to and her body is one which i most vividly remember.when i saw someone hugging her dead body and crying i cringed and shuddered when i was asked to touch her feet to take her last blessings.what i felt beneath my fingers felt nothing like my 'nana' (grandmother)..it didnt have her warmth..her colour nor her spirit..it felt cold and alien and i felt honestly..sick!i was very ashamed of my feelings later and dared not say anything then but later when i thought about it i found my feelings aptly justified.it was not her plump body or her wrinkled skin that i loved and cherish it was the spirit in her.her warmth,her compassion..her being..all of which had left completely by then and all that remained was the shell.it was just lik a cong shell without the inner being which we sound at the end of any grand puja..when i came to know that it was actuaaly a home to a creature which lived and probably died in it i was almost equally disgusted and wondered how anybody could touch it to their lips!another thing i did not understand why i needed to take the last blessings from a shell..and why should it even be last..I believe she is still around.
But to me the most cruel part of life is that it goes on..we keep losing we keep falling getting bruised and broken..we feel everything has lost its meaning but yet life still goes on..at several points in life i felt this is where everything ends..there is nothing beyond it..nothing else mattered.but then here i am sitting and writing..even philosophizin about life.but at those moments if somebody came and told me this i would have probably found it heartless and the speaker ruthless.there are some things one should realise by themselves there is no greater teacher than experience and no better support than silent empathy..and now i end my banter and pray that the following few months left of this ungodly year may pass without any more unfortunate incident..cause when philosophies fails,hopes run dry and then men risk losing their sanity.......

I usually write my blog in english..bt somehow this special one did not come as well in english..it was becoming too artificial too articulate..so i go to my roots to express the deepest sentiment..i write in bengali...

Se chole gelo…

Hotat..kichu na bole,kichu na sune

Koto kichu jeno bolar chilo

Koto kichu jeno sonar chilo

Domka hawar ek jhaptae

Amar hridoy-e ek sunnotar ghurni jhor tule

Se chole gelo..

Jokhn chilo tokhn take chintam-e na

Chenar ki chestao korechi kokhno?

Ekhon sabe tei jeno take khuje pai

Almari te bondi tar jamae

Khater kone..balishe tar sei nijeshyo gondho

Je ghoti chure merechilo…

Sei ghotir bakeo takei khuje pai

Se chole gelo..

Amae ofuronto sadhinota die

Amae hajar hajar ‘ekhla ghor’ muhurto die

Tokhn ja ja korte cheyechilam--tumi korte daoni

Sab die gele..

Rag kore mukh firie chole gele..

Sab nie nao go maa..amar kicchu chaina

Sab nie nie..tumi fire eso maa..

Tumi fire eso…